My Krazy Life 3


Heya people! Who missed me? Who??? I can only see a few hands, guess what guys. I am bringing back one segment of the blog. Who still remembers my crush in the bank, I know I just left you guys in the dark as regard to that. What actually happened was that I was no longer having issues with my mastercard, so I didn't go to customer service to see Claire that much. I only catch a glimpse of her whenever I go to the bank and she happens to be in the banking Hall. Just like a couple of days ago.
Immediately I entered the bank, the first person I saw was Claire then the security man that operates the door and handles one ATM thingy inform of a tablet. She looked so beautiful as always in her white midi gown and flat shoes. I immediately sized her up and smiled cos I am still taller than her, hehehe don't mind me guys, am not that tall. Am just your regular 5ft 8iches guy. But it gives me joy that the number of females that would be taller than me in every gathering are always very few. I actually do love it when Bae has to stand on her toes just to kiss you, well that doesn't mean that Bae should be below 5ft 4inches so we won't give birth to small small things (me darling, short girls, pls don't hate me. Am trying not be a sexist). Anyway I immediately stopped looking at her before someone would start shouting sexual harassment and omolomo would be sued to court.




After joining the queue for fast-track deposit, I occasionally threw glances at her, as she walked majestically inside the banking Hall, she walked towards where I was standing, then wandered off to meet other customer care staff of the bank that stayed downstairs. While observing her like a private detective I remembered one comment my friend made. The dude can be a hater sometimes, he said "You are a jobless student, just stop wasting your time with Claire. She has a job + You don't have a job = Hopeless", I just smiled like a crayfish that won 1 million Kuwaiti Dinar.  My joy was short lived when I heard NEXT PERSON!!!!!!  I swear that voice wasn't even romantic, sounded more like a banker who has been hungry since morning. So I hurriedly made my deposit and started looking around to see if I can catch a glimpse of Claire, but unfortunately she went upstairs before I finished. And I wasn't even in the mood to climb the stairs. Anyway I haven't been to bank since the last time I saw her because Guaranty Trust Bank Umuahia Branch has been sealed for a couple of days now.

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WEDDING BELLS: POST-GRADUATION SCENARIO


In a typical Nigerian home especially in the igbo community, there is this mentality about male children. For instance, in a family with two male children, one would likely hear comments like "Owu kwa otu mkpuru ka unu di ooo (it's only one son that I have ooo)" or "Onye nne ya na amughi ato aga gi ano na etiti (anybody the mother doesn't give birth to three children, doesn't stay in the middle)" from the ever loving mothers. However, in a family with just one male child it's a total melodrama from the parents, one would likely hear things like "Iwu otu mkpuru anya ji onye isi ugwo (the only eye that is owing the blind person)" and many other proverbs you wouldn't care less to understand.

Life in the first 23 years of individuals in the category mentioned above tends to be "get married" disturbance free, until after graduating from the university and one year service to dear old Nigeria then the "get married" syndrome hits. Then the typical life for someone who just has a brother or someone who doesn't even have at all is getting married, so you can start making babies already in order for the family legacy to be sustained and properties acquired to remain under the family custody. In a family with two male children, the pressure to marry is lessened on one after the other gets himself a wife, same cannot be said when its just one son in question, the pressure to get married never dies.


Word of advice, if you are an only son and the pressure is too much, just run away for a while *winks*. While the "get married" frenzy is still going on in the family, it's very funny that when you make up excuses like you haven't seen a woman, you probably won't even know that a woman has been arranged for you to get married to. One tend to notice that family friends now come along with their daughters whilst visitation, so the master minders would see if a choice would be made from a list of potential wives, and I presume that should be very funny right and most times the unsuspecting young and confused adult fall prey in the grand plan. Sometimes, I get to wonder why the igbos can't adapt the mentality of our Yoruba counterparts, cos I learnt most of them care less about properties unlike the Igbos. A friend once said if two igbo men are quarrelling it usually tends to be about a parcel of land.

When it is perceived that it is time for one to get married, members of the grand association of marriage advisers now set in with different segments of advise session, which usually starts with questions like, are you seeing someone? Is she a wife material? The advice session takes another dimension if you mistakenly say "I am not seeing anybody". Then they will start usually with "are you aware that you are supposed to marry someone you are older than", some people even go as far saying "make the age difference at least 11 years", some will say "make sure your parents are richer than the girl's parents", I can remember one acquaintance saying "I can't marry a woman from a richer home, so I'll have my respect", I just laugh out loud in my head and ask them why? , and after listening to their defence which revolves around respect, it sounded so clichè to me. I don't know why everybody is so bent on respect, when I have seen in this my long life, am sure some people are wondering how old is this guy, FYI, I was born in 1725, just do the math and continue reading, that even if one marries one who is 20 years younger inasmuch as the woman in question is with personality disorder, the husband would never be respected cos she fails to see him as a god (which he actually is), all my feminist people please don't chew me raw, but I am not of the school of thought that one should oppress a woman or violate her physically because she is loyal, even the second reason about being richer, to me it's still bullshit, cos one can marry a girl give her a complete makeover and still be treated like trash, in my own candid opinion when the poor marries a poor individual the poor continues being poorer and this trend is usually seen in some parts of igbo land, why can't we just aspire for something greater? I really don't know why they don't think and don't realise that when one marries from a mid class home or from one which is financially more bouyant, you have less dependent relatives. Oh shit! I forgot most people are just bent on the respect thingy.


Most of them even say, "marry someone who is younger so she doesn't get to age quickly or look older than yourself" and as usual I have a reason to counter what ever they say, maybe I should even attend a debate where the subject of debate is typical African marriage policies, cos I am damn sure I would win them. One of these days I was arguing with someone about marrying someone younger and aging, I asked the person "if you are broke, would your wife be looking young and rejuvenated?" cos I think hardship tells on both men and women physically. I guess I made a killer point that shut him up cos looking good and rejuvenated is a factor of the Benjamin. A similar situation is prevalent for only daughters, even though most times the fathers are not willing to let them go while the mothers are so eager to carry a grand child.


My opinion, when you find that person that makes your heart beat 3x faster,  and you are satisfied she's every thing you want, just tie the goddamn knots cause I don't think this generation gets married because of love.

NB: Sorry guys I have been really MIA, Just trying to put my shit together, was trying to redesign the blog but I haven't been able to do so. But I hope to be stable soonest. This post has been published on Naijasinglegirl earlier this year sha.

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FATHER'S DAY GIFT IDEAS



Dads are a famously tough bunch to buy gifts for. Either you’ve got the kind of dad who goes out and buys what he wants when he wants it, or the kind of dad who doesn’t really want anything and would actually just rather that you spend time together fishing, hiking, or whatever else dad likes to do.

Father’s Day undoubtedly brings up fond memories. Whether it’s the time dad taught you how to ride a bike or that first weekend fishing trip with just the two of you, dad's been around through thick and thin.

We're sure he'd would be very appreciative no matter what you got for him on Father’s Day, but while a heartfelt card and a hug are nice, so are a pair shiny new shoes. We’ve put together this handy guide of great Father’s Day gifts that includes the perfect gift for every type of dad, from the avid outdoorsman to the amateur chef.

Dad Personalized Print

Father's Day Gift Guide

If getting a “Dad” tattoo isn’t your thing, you can share the same sentiment by gifting a custom print that makes for a great office décor and is more lasting than a simple card. [$22]

Suede Lace up shoe


Fit for every day of the week (including casual Fridays). The amazing suede shoe enough to garner a double take from your dad's younger coworkers. Because office cred counts.

A dress belt


Whether your father is the type to wear a suit Monday through Friday or only at weddings and funerals. A handsome dress belt would be perfect.


There are a lot of other beautiful things to get a dad on a father's day, Like a very nice cologne, good looking frames to transform him from dear old dad to a younger version.

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UPDATE



Happy New Month People, Am sorry for being MIA. I have no excuse for that, but I hope to back soonest.


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STYLISH MEN AT MET GALA 2016

The Met Gala is known as the annual Academy Awards of Fashion - and just like the red carpet at the Oscars, all the men in attendance know that only their very best best formal attire will do. However, unlike the Oscars, the ante is upped. Not only are you subject to the scrutiny of the entire fashion press (and probably on a table with designers and fashion icons), but the dress code is always themed to the exhibition being celebrated. This year the exhibition is all about the convergence of man and machine, titled Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology. And while some men took it a bit too literally (see: Zayn Malik's Terminator arms), the more wearable trend was a subtle use of metal-vibing, high shine material. From Luke Evans to Miles Teller, Tom Hiddleston to Idris Elba, take a look at the best-dressed met at the Met Gala 2016 below. 

Met Gala 2016

Zayn Malik actually transformed into a robot, wearing silver metal sleeves over his Versace black tie suit. He was so into it, he even coordinated with girlfriend Gigi Hadid who wore a silver, sequin bodysuit with sheer overlay.

Met Gala 2016

Meanwhile, Nick Jonas honored the theme a bit more subtly. He wore a bespoke Topman double-breasted suit with blue jacket and black trousers, and as it turns out, he actually played a role in the design process: “I helped design this myself which I’m really excited [about],” he told reporters on the carpet. To jump on the tech-meets-fashion theme, he also sported a specially-designed lapel pin by British jeweler Husam El Odeh that was made with a microchip pattern and semi-precious stones.


Michael B. Jordan also followed Jonas’ lead with a subtle nod to the event — with a metallic gold-trimmed tux and studded loafers. While designer Jeremy Scott and singer Will.i.am went a wackier route with their outfits. Scott wore an embellished skeleton-studded suit (even down to his shoes) that coordinated with his Moschino ladies, while Will.i.am paired his floral-print tux with a completely-visored top hat that covered most of his face.

Idris Elba Met Gala 2016

British actor Idris Elba , who was co-chair at this year’s bash, made his mark on the red carpet in a sharp Tom Ford creation.

The Luther star, who also appeared to be flying solo for the event, was all smiles as he posed in the black tux and white bow tie.

Bradley Cooper heading to the 2016 Met Gala
Bradley Cooper heading to Met-Gala


Jared Leto seen leaving The Bowery Hotel and heading to the MET Costume Institute Gala 2016 at The Metropolitan Museum Of Art

Actor Jared Leto pulled out all the stops in a brilliant white neo-Victorian era three-piece Gucci suit - and even carried a cane to complete his look

Tom Hiddleston at The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit

Tom Hiddleston was joined by his Night Manager co-star Elizabeth Debicki, also cut a fine figure as he posed on the famous stairs in the Metropolitan Museum of Art.


Who has seen Mr. Robot? This is Rami Malek who played Elliot looking dapper in Dior Homme piece.


Rapper Future looking dapper.


Sources: GQ UK, People, Mirror, Google

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THE ART OF SELF PLEASURE



That sensation of blood flowing through your veins and adrenaline levels being elevated, that feeling of being a man which is accompanied by a boner and after a couple of minutes everything returns to normal and you feel relaxed and accomplished.



The word 'masturbation' is frowned at by the contemporary society, most of them that openly condemn those who masturbate go back to their closets and do worse things. There are so many conceptions about masturbation, most people especially the female folk say it is to satisfy their sexual cravings without the fear of pregnancy or STD, for some guys, a sexual partner is not just enough, cos no one can replicate the feeling other themselves.



Although masturbation is frowned at, in my own opinion it’s a way of exploring one’s sexuality. I may have indulged in some sexual acts from a mind-blowing hand job to a superb blow job, and I think if masturbation could also be called hand job, I would say the best hand job I have received is the one I give myself during my solitary moments, those moments you feel so tensed and you need to relax, you just remember you have porn videos stashed somewhere in your laptop, external hard drive, phones and tablets or that erotic picture that girl sent you when you were sexting her by 1am and she really thought you have deleted them.



I vividly remember the first hand job I received from a girl, I just stood pants down while she was on her knees effortlessly working so hard to make me cum but alas after working for like 15mins there was nothing to show for it, just like all her efforts are being wasted but I just knew she wasn’t doing it right and I at point I wasn’t enjoying that hand job because she 'couldn't take me to the seventh heaven. No feeling beats the one you get when hold your shaft and start with slow rhythmic movements with increases as the passion builds up and you realize you have been shut off from the surrounding environment but that feeling of ecstasy ends when you just drop your load.





Sometimes I wonder why guys can’t have a personalized toy collection, if a guy walks into a sex toy store and buys a super cute giant doll for his sexual pleasures, he would be labeled as a manwhore. But I really can't fathom why the society expects men to be virile, to pounce on any available female hole avoiding the idea of self-understanding and exploration.



Sometimes I really do wonder why its regarded as a taboo for men to talk about sexuality and other related topics, like we build restrictions and end up raising a society of men that are disconnected from themselves and others. These men most times are curious about other men, the reason it no longer comes as a surprise when a guy declares gayhood, bisexuality or even transgenderism.

PS: I am indifferent about masturbation, if you enjoy your solitary moments, all I have you to tell is don't get addicted, else your life would come crumbling like a stack of cards. 


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